Discovering that your partner has been unfaithful can feel devastating. On top of the unspeakable pain from the sexual betrayal are the lies they have told – either through words or by their silence. It is common for people to feel completely lost once they discover the infidelity and not know how to feel or react to the situation. The individuals come to us for affair recovery are often spinning after an affair has been uncovered. They are often angry, hurt, exhausted and looking to us to provide them with some direction.  One of our first is to help them gain some of their footing again and start evaluating their options.

Thanks to Hollywood, many couples have been led to believe the secret to reconnecting and rekindling the passion is through a Caribbean cruise, sports cars, or jewelry. But the reality is, once there’s a disconnect between partners, gifts and vacations simply won’t cut it.

It may seem counterintuitive, but love is mended not through grandiose deeds, but through small acts of kindness; through the seemingly micro-moments. It is in these moments when we have a choice to listen to our partner and love them.

It is said we fear the unknown, which is why many people shy away from receiving therapy. It can be intimidating walking into your therapist’s office for the very first time, not knowing what to expect.

On the flip side, some people assume they know everything about therapy, maybe from movies or tv,  and are then quite surprised when receiving treatment.

Whether conducted in the United States or far off lands, many surveys find the number one reason for divorce is poor communication. While couples are often talking to each other they aren't often truly hearing what the other person is truly trying to say. Beyond having different communication styles, issues often arise when one or both partners are not comfortable talking about their feelings. A big part of our job in couples therapy is to help couples learn how to mesh their communication styles, tolerate talking about feelings and hear each other.

Have you ever wondered why some marriages last decades while others barely go two years? Why do some couples thrive and grow together while others crash and burn?

The secret? There are three secrets, actually; three ingredients to a happy and successful marriage. Without all three of these, many couples will struggle to remain connected and committed. Good news is every person can learn and implement these secrets at any time to improve their marriage.

No matter how many times they were warned, few new parents are prepared for the life-changing event of the birth of their first child. Your time is no longer yours and at times it may feel like you will never get back to the hobbies or self-care activities that you once enjoyed. Relaxing with a glass of wine after work, sleeping in on Saturday, impromptu dates and dinners with friends become replaced with sleepless nights and endless diaper changes.

Blame and game – two words that should never be joined together. The truth is, the blame game is no fun to play and there are never any winners. And, perhaps, the biggest loser of all is the one who is doing all the blaming. When we blame others, we lose our power. Remaining stuck in our feelings of anger, resentment or abandonment only hurts us, not the other person. They eventually move on while we continue our lives feeling mad at the entire world!

Even happily married couples can hit obstacles along the way. When this happens, couples can either go it alone and try to work through their issues themselves, or they can seek the guidance of a trained and experienced marriage counselor. While some couples feel their problems should be kept private, many more are finding the value of seeking help from an impartial and nonjudgmental third party. Even if your partner isn't willing to join your, there are things  you can work on individually that will help your marriage.

I was recently invited to collaborate on an expert panel and share some insights on how to cope with divorce.  I wanted to share with you my 7 best tips from that article.