A lot of couples who come to Solid Foundations Therapy for counseling usually cite frustration with their partner as one of the major issues they face. We have found that often times this frustration stems from unmet expectations.

Expectations play a huge role in life and relationship satisfaction. Whenever our expectations are met we are happy, however any time our expectations are unmet we experience disappointment, hurt or anger.  Couples who are frustrated say things like ‘You weren’t very supportive of me when I quit my job to freelance’ or ‘You didn’t plan any special activity for our anniversary’.  These comments highlight covert and unmet expectations. Constantly feeling like our expectations aren't met can lead to resentment and create an unhappy relationship.

You’ve probably heard this a thousand times, but here it is again: Relationships are tough and they require constant work. In my office in Downers Grove I have a quote on a wall from Theodore Roosevelt that states "Nothing worth having was ever achieved without effort".  I'm consistently referencing it with my clients.  To have high marital satisfaction, you and your partner have to be ready to put in the work every single day, and one way to do this is through constant honest evaluation of your relationship.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow is famous for having said, “Into each life some rain must fall,” meaning life is always going to throw us some heartache. This same sentiment can be said about relationships. It's impossible to consistently be at a ten in relationship satisfaction.  Into each relationship some irritability, frustration and overall blah-ness tends to fall.

If you’ve ever been in a romantic relationship, you know firsthand how frustrating it can be. Once two people start sharing more and more time together, perhaps even begin living under the same roof, arguments are bound to happen from time to time.

Sure, you both started out on your best behavior – you both believed the other could do no wrong. But as the days, weeks and months passed, and as the shiny newness of the relationship wore off, that’s when the arguments and bickering began.

Do you find you accept responsibility for a loved one’s emotions or actions? Are you constantly trying to please others? Do you neglect your own needs and have difficulty setting realistic personal boundaries? Do you often feel resentful yet have difficulty stepping away from a dysfunctional relationship?

These are some of the symptoms of codependency. Codependent people look for external cues from others to tell them what they should feel, need and act like. While most would agree that sensitivity to others is a wonderful trait, codependents take it to an extreme because of an inability to create healthy boundaries.

As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I often have a front row seat to relationship miracles. Well, okay, there are no miracles really. The fact is “fixing” a relationship takes work. It takes two people wanting it to work and then putting in the effort.

Having said that, I have seen couples go from nearly ending it to being back in love, and liking and respecting each other.

Quick question: Do you like yourself?

When asked this question, most people respond by saying something like, “Of course I like myself.” While their words say they like themselves, what do their actions say?

Are you someone who’s comfortable in your own skin? Are you happy with your appearance, or are you constantly comparing yourself to others, wishing you could be more like them? When you look in the mirror, what do you see? A superstar, or someone who doesn’t quite live up to your own expectations?