If you've ever replayed conversations in your head, wondered what your partner is thinking, or tried to figure out how to make your relationship feel more secure, you're not alone.

Relationship anxiety is something I see often in therapy. It can show up in many ways.

There’s a moment I see all the time in therapy. 

A client is overwhelmed, anxious, emotionally flooded, or stuck in a spiral of negative thoughts. I gently ask, “What helps when you feel like this?” 

And without fail, they stare at me like I’ve just asked them to recite the tax code backwards. “I don’t know.” 

Meanwhile, if you asked them their Starbucks order, the plot of three seasons of a reality show, or exactly what their ex said during an argument in 2019, they could answer immediately.

People-pleasing is often mistaken for a virtue. Being called "easygoing," "selfless," or "always willing to help" can feel like a compliment, but when saying yes to everyone else means saying no to yourself, it stops being kindness and starts becoming a problem. If you find yourself overcommitted, anxious about disappointing others, or unable to set a limit without a wave of guilt, you may be caught in a people-pleasing pattern. And while it might keep the peace on the surface, the long-term cost to your emotional health, your relationships, and your sense of self is real.