When it comes to working with couples, I hear a common complaint: “We have terrible communication.” And for most people in relationships, there is some truth in that statement. I’m not sure about you, but I certainly was not thoroughly educated on what it means to have healthy conflict or how to communicate effectively—especially in romantic relationships. Like many people, I was imitating what I saw modeled in childhood, what I witnessed in movies and media, and what my emotions were telling me to do in the moment.

People-pleasing is often mistaken for a virtue. Being called "easygoing," "selfless," or "always willing to help" can feel like a compliment, but when saying yes to everyone else means saying no to yourself, it stops being kindness and starts becoming a problem. If you find yourself overcommitted, anxious about disappointing others, or unable to set a limit without a wave of guilt, you may be caught in a people-pleasing pattern. And while it might keep the peace on the surface, the long-term cost to your emotional health, your relationships, and your sense of self is real.