Have you ever wondered why you can feel completely fine in your relationship one moment—and then suddenly feel overwhelmed by fear, anger, or the need to pull away?

Maybe your partner takes longer than usual to respond to a text, and your mind immediately starts asking, “Are they upset with me?” Maybe conflict makes you want to talk everything through immediately, while your partner seems to disappear emotionally. Or perhaps you desperately want closeness but become uncomfortable when someone actually gets close.

These reactions can feel confusing, especially when you genuinely love your partner.

Have you ever had one awkward interaction completely erase an otherwise good day?

Maybe your boss says, "Can we chat tomorrow?" and suddenly you're mentally updating your résumé. Or you send a text, don't get a response for two hours, and somehow your brain has decided the friendship is over.

If you've ever wondered why your brain seems to cling to the bad stuff while brushing right past the good, let me introduce you to one of my favorite concepts to teach clients: negativity bias.

If you've ever replayed conversations in your head, wondered what your partner is thinking, or tried to figure out how to make your relationship feel more secure, you're not alone.

Relationship anxiety is something I see often in therapy. It can show up in many ways.

There’s a moment I see all the time in therapy. 

A client is overwhelmed, anxious, emotionally flooded, or stuck in a spiral of negative thoughts. I gently ask, “What helps when you feel like this?” 

And without fail, they stare at me like I’ve just asked them to recite the tax code backwards. “I don’t know.” 

Meanwhile, if you asked them their Starbucks order, the plot of three seasons of a reality show, or exactly what their ex said during an argument in 2019, they could answer immediately.