The VCR Method: What to Say When Someone Shares Their Feelings

Knowing what to say when someone shares their feelings with you, especially when you do not feel the same way, can be harder than it sounds. In this Therapy Moment, Robin Ashbaugh , LMFT teaches the VCR Method: Validation, Comment, Reassurance. It is a simple, repeatable script that shows the other person you are listening, while still giving you space to share your own perspective without dismissing theirs.

Robin Ashbaugh, LMFT teaching the VCR Method for responding to someone's feelings — Solid Foundations Therapy

At Solid Foundations Therapy, we teach concrete communication skills like this one to help individuals and couples in Downers Grove, IL and throughout Illinois build stronger, more connected relationships. Sessions are goal-oriented and skills-based, giving you tools you can use immediately outside the therapy room.

Ready to communicate with more confidence? Call 630-633-8532 or visit solidfoundationstherapy.com to schedule your first appointment.

Transcript: Hi everyone, this is Robin with your monthly therapy tip.

I want to talk about a communication skill I really enjoy teaching. It is essentially a script for how to respond when someone is sharing their emotions with you, in a way that offers validation, shows you are listening, and still gives you the opportunity to express how you feel about what was shared.

I call it VCR. It goes by other names too. Some people call it a positivity sandwich, but I like VCR because it also helps you remember the order things should go in.

VCR stands for Validation, Comment, and Reassurance.

If someone is expressing that they are upset about something, you start with validation. Something like, "I can understand why that was really hard for you. I understand why that upset you."

Then comes the comment, which is where you share your own feelings about the situation. It can be as simple as, "I don't feel that way particularly, but I can understand why it impacted you so much."

Then there is the reassurance piece.

It is a quick script, but it does a lot. It shows active listening, while also giving you room to voice your own opinion or perspective without it feeling like you are dismissing the other person's feelings.

Try VCR for yourself. See how it goes. Maybe try it a few different ways to get more comfortable with it. And let me know in the comments how it works for you.