What Healthy Boundaries Actually Look Like (video)
Boundaries are not about pushing people away. They are about protecting yourself and your relationships from the resentment that builds when needs go unmet and unspoken.
In this Therapy Moment, Victoria Mahoney, LMFT breaks down two practical ways to set boundaries most people overlook: negotiation and behavioral adjustment. No announcements required. No conflict necessary. Just clear, flexible limits that actually work in real relationships.
At Solid Foundations Therapy, we help individuals, couples, and families build communication skills, set healthy boundaries, and reduce resentment before it disconnects them. Sessions are directive and skills-based, giving you concrete tools to use between appointments.
Ready to set boundaries that actually stick? Call 630-633-8532 or visit solidfoundationstherapy.com to schedule your first appointment.
Transcript:
Hello, I'm Victoria Mahoney and welcome to your monthly Therapy Moment.
One subject that comes up often in my sessions with individuals, couples, and families is boundaries. And there is a lot of misinformation out there about what a healthy boundary actually is and what it is not.
I hear frequently that boundaries are divisive, or that they are meant to push people away. That could not be further from the truth. A healthy boundary actually safeguards both the individual and the relationship itself. Specifically, it prevents resentment from forming. And if you have ever had resentment build in a relationship, you know how uncomfortable and disconnecting that is when it goes unacknowledged over time.
You may have heard the phrase "no is a complete sentence." And while that is true, boundaries can also be more flexible than that. We can use negotiation to set them.
For example: "Can you help me move this Saturday?" "I can't do Saturday, but I could do Sunday." That is a boundary. It is clear, it is direct, and it leaves room for connection rather than shutting it down.
Another way to set a boundary is by simply adjusting your behavior, without making a formal announcement. If I do not want to take phone calls after 9pm, I am not going to message everyone in my contacts and tell them not to call. I am simply not going to answer. My behavior sets the boundary. No announcement needed.
I encourage you to take a moment and consider: where might you already be setting boundaries without realizing it? And what relationships in your life might benefit from a few more?
Something to think about.