Have you ever wondered why you can feel completely fine in your relationship one moment—and then suddenly feel overwhelmed by fear, anger, or the need to pull away?

Maybe your partner takes longer than usual to respond to a text, and your mind immediately starts asking, “Are they upset with me?” Maybe conflict makes you want to talk everything through immediately, while your partner seems to disappear emotionally. Or perhaps you desperately want closeness but become uncomfortable when someone actually gets close.

These reactions can feel confusing, especially when you genuinely love your partner.

When it comes to working with couples, I hear a common complaint: “We have terrible communication.” And for most people in relationships, there is some truth in that statement. I’m not sure about you, but I certainly was not thoroughly educated on what it means to have healthy conflict or how to communicate effectively—especially in romantic relationships. Like many people, I was imitating what I saw modeled in childhood, what I witnessed in movies and media, and what my emotions were telling me to do in the moment.